No More Perfect Kids Book Study: Chapter 5 and 6- When Kids Ask Who Am I and Is It Okay That I'm Unique

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In this post, I'll be looking at chapters 5 and 6 of No More Perfect Kids by Jill Savage and Kathy Koch. These two chapters were shorter, so I'm discussing them together. You can read my full review of the book here. And you can preorder the book from Amazon here No More Perfect Kids: Love the Kids You Have, Not the Ones You Want. But if you wait until the book's official launch in March, you can also get lots of bonus goodies when you purchase. So keep your eye out, and I'll be posting more about that later.

Chapters 5 and 6 are both taking a look at kids and their identity. In chapter 5 the authors talk about validating kids' uniqueness. And in chapter 6, they discuss helping children to find out who they really are.

As I've mentioned about the other chapters, so much of this has to do with our communication with our kids and with our accepting of who our kids are.

Our kids know the things that make them different. Whatever it is that makes them feel different can be a real concern. Jill takes a look at the difference between a concern and a complaint. Sometimes our children have legitimate concerns about what makes them different. And when we take the time to really listen to them and to hear the cry of their hearts, we can help them to accept the things they can't change and help them to change the things that can be changed.

One way to help our children understand their uniqueness is to share with them the multiple intelligences. Jill lists these in a chart. When we can help our children understand these, we can show them specific ways in which their unique abilities are good.

Along with wanting their uniqueness to be validated, kids often need help in developing their own identity. It's something we all struggle with- the need to know who we are and why we matter.

Often behavior is affected by the identity we have. When kids consider themselves smart, they often do better in school. When kids consider themselves well-behaved, they behave better. We can influence our kids behavior by helping them to develop an identity.

Jill discusses giving our kids "doing" labels and "being" labels. These labels should be specific- "You are a good athlete because you play hard and really work with your team." "You are really patient when you play with your little sister and let her use your toys."

There are two sections at the end of this chapter especially for dads. Dads play a very important role in the forming of a child's identity. I'm very thankful that I do have a husband who has been very involved in the lives of our children and who does work to ensure that he has a good relationship and good communication with them. Jill encourages moms to find a man who is a good role model and is willing to be a part of your child's life if they don't have an involved father.

Again, the importance of communicating with and the acceptance of our children are the themes here.

In the next chapter, Jill discusses about how we respond when our kids feel like they are failures.




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