No More Perfect Kids Book Study: Chapter 7- When Kids Ask "Am I a Failure?"

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I’ve been sharing my thoughts about the book No More Perfect Kids by Jill Savage and Kathy Koch. You can read my full review of the book here. And you can preorder the book from Amazon here No More Perfect Kids: Love the Kids You Have, Not the Ones You Want . But if you wait until the book’s official launch in March, you can also get lots of bonus goodies when you purchase. So keep your eye out, and I’ll be posting more about that later.

This chapter resonated with me in several ways. Jill begins it with emphasizing that growth is a process, and she encourages us to let go of the Perfection Infection and look at the difference between the adjective perfect and the verb perfect. We can work toward perfecting ourselves and encourage our children to perfect what they are learning without having an unrealistic goal of perfection.

The first thing that really struck me was the question- Is it safe to make a mistake at your house? I admit that there are times when I criticize a child for a mistake- for spilling a drink, for making a mess. And I know that I can be harsh. I rarely raise my voice, but I know that I can sound harsh and critical even if I don’t talk loudly. I want my kids to feel safe when they mistakes. And I know that being accepting of them and not critical now can bridge the way for good communication as the get older and the mistakes get bigger.

Jill takes a look at the reasons that kids can make mistakes and talks about having discussions with kids about why they made a mistake. We do this in our house. As I’ve said before, we talk in our house. We talk lots. And I think it’s good to help kids know why they made a mistake. Maybe they don’t have enough practice if it’s a skill. Maybe they don’t have enough knowledge, so they made a bad decision. Maybe there is a heart attitude that needs to be corrected. And maybe they are just run down physically and so they are acting poorly. It’s important to help kids understand why they make mistakes.

At the end of the chapter, Jill takes a look at what happens when the stakes get higher and kids make mistakes. The mistakes they make at 16 can have more far reaching consequences than those they made at 6. And we still need to communicate grace- to them and to ourselves. I’m heading into that age now. We have two teens. And we work very hard to keep the lines of communication open and to be careful to exhibit grace in little things so that we can handle bigger things better.

In the next chapter, we’ll look at helping kids to determine their purpose.

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